I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
