i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
