Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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