I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
