Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
