I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
