It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
