she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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