She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
