don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
