so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
