There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
