She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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