They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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