I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
