I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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