Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
