Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
