this beer tastes like vomit already
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My feet surprised me
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