I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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