Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
