I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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