Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
