I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
