Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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