have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
