I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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