TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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