I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
