fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
