I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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