remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
