im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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