He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
