This girl is more easily done than said...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
