Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
