Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
