oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
