dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
