If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
