i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
