Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
