So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
