So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
