good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's a naked man in my car right now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
