i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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