oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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