My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
