So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
