Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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