i would punch a child for taco bell
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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